Chapter 11

Now we can read the effect that Ursula's shyness has left on Matt. He is so shocked, that he wonders, whether she actually got his E-mail thanking her for the extraordinary help. The sentence "…except to my face when they have to be"(p.87, l.4f.) reminded me of the awkward situation Matt was in: As he was suspected of wanting to blow up the school and massacre as many people as possible, he definitely trusted his friends to help him, since they were witnesses as well! What kind of friends choose to desert him for their own safety? Matt must have got the impression, that they only pretend to be his friends making themselves more important, but when they realize they have to prove the worth of their amity, they back down.
This fits to the phrase”...die, &some of them betray their best friends” (p.88, l.3f.). He might have felt “dead” (p.87, l.11, like I died), because he was pulled out of his joyful, carefree and vital life so suddenly, into an intimidating helplessness.
When I read the next part of his letter, which subject she was going to write on for History, I was sure, this had to be a metaphor. Two possibilities came to my mind: On the one side, it could refer to his state, when he was taken into custody; everybody was celebrating too, but in a different way. Alleged witnesses spread the most horrendous rumours, not caring about Matt’s reputation, they were just destroying. As he was let back to school, everybody was forced again, to be kind to him and perhaps praise him for his braveness, a hero.
On the other side, Ugly Girl could be meant with this metaphor: Nobody really likes Ugly Girl and as she “lost the game on purpose”, even her own team mates laughed at her. Then she was the one, to go to the principal and give the deciding and important conviction, making him change his mind, a hero.
In the end, he still decides to delete his e-mail instead of risking an eternal existence in cyberspace, following the advice of his former friend Russ. Perhaps their friendship was the closest, but Russ still didn't seem to have helped him at all... So I think, this disappointment was the main reason.