Chapter 15

Why is Matt so dependent on the opinion of his friends? First he followed the advice of Russ to be cautious about sending E-mails through the eternal cyberspace, now he deleted his, in my opinion, very important message and cry for help, because his friends “would have approved" "p.109, l.21).
I think he is currently searching for his true identity. Does he still belong to his clique of boys, being the admired, big mouthed and taboo braking verbal-hero? Or has he really changed to a more earnest, mature and at the same time isolated young man? If it is the latter, I’m quite concerned, whether he really ought to go and see a shrink, since he seems to be stumbling inexorably into claws of hate and depression.
As I see it, his only wish is to be like Ursula, the girl, who has learned to deal with those moods and doesn’t care about the opinion of others... She just gives a damn! Also, Matt knows that she is the only person, who really helped him! But he still doesn’t send his message...?!
If you look at the situation from Ursula’s point of view, would she have understood his feelings or even had sympathy with him?
Matt’s life seems to become a copy of hers: He dislikes his parents, he isolates himself at school and starts to feel disgust with the whole world. Perhaps she would be delighted to have found an individual that finally feels the way she does. But here is the problem: Would such an extreme Individual as Ugly Girl accept a close friend, making her not only vulnerable again, but also less special? Both of these ways would have been possible, but Matt preferred to conform with his “friends”, instead of “going down” to Ugly Girl.
I think this is pure desperation and I’m looking forward to seeing, how the story goes on... Will he choose melancholy and potential amok, or the life as a happy individual? One thing is sure: His life will never be the same, as it used to be.